All too often I see men and women who are on the “hunt” for a mate.
They go into a mode where dating and “trying out” people is on the forefront of their mind.
And it’s obvious.
They Church hop, trying out Churches to see if she’s there, no pretty girls here? My friend goes to the 1st Baptist down the street, I’ll see if there are any potentials there…
When you do this, you are literally telling God that you don’t trust Him.
You are saying, “Hey God, I got this, I’ll find her. I’m 26 and my clock is ticking, we got to speed things up here!”
Good luck with that.
I’ve seen it time and time again, and as of to date, I haven’t seen it work.
I’ve seen men who have found someone in other Churches, started dating them, some even married them.
But every single time something weird happens.
I see them at Church less and less, they start to seclude themselves, even people who were serving at different areas of the Church, they just kind of disappear.
They get married, then fall of the face of the earth.
I’ve seen this several times and thought, “Something just doesn’t seem right, when you get married to God’s best, shouldn’t things get better? Your wife is your helpmate, now that you have a helper, doesn’t your life increase and flourish even more?”
God taught me something about this and I’ll explain:
You can marry someone you like, and even let yourself fall in love with, and God can make it great.
You can tell God who you like and who you want to marry, and even “make it happen,” I think He will let you do this,
That does not mean that person is God’s BEST for you.
I firmly believe that God has planned a spouse for you since before you were born. He has the PERFECT man or woman picked out and selected for you, and trust me, as someone who has married God’s BEST, you don’t want anything less.
I’ve seen people marry men and women that weren’t “God’s best” for them, and yes, it can still become a great marriage no doubt about it. However it always seems to be a bit more of a struggle, or it’s a bit more work than it should be. There are often Pastors or Church leaders, or spirit led family members and friends who will disagree with the marriage, they can sense that there is something not quite right about it. (Even though both spouses are Christians)
I’ve also witnessed people who DO marry God’s best, (and lived it out myself!) and it’s easy to see the difference. There is an anointing on the couple, things go well for them, their brothers and sisters in Christ approve of the marriage, their Pastors, Church leaders, family and friends are all on board, and know that it’s a match set up by God.
God’s BEST is out there for you. But you’ll have to Trust God.
How to Find God’s “Best”
God has a system, a formula to getting things, (including your wife!) We’ve mentioned it before in this course but the answer is simple.
Matthew 6:33 But seek FIRST His Kingdom and His righteousness (His way of doing things) and all these things will be given to you as well.
But I really want you to check out the Message Translation of this verse, it captures the point perfectly:
“If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting,so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.”
Don’t be preoccupied with getting. God will give you your spouse.
Just seek God first, run the race He has set before you, stay in God’s will, and God’s Best will come.
Like I said earlier, my wife appeared to me while setting up for an event at Church. At the time, I didn’t know she was my wife, it wasn’t an instant thing or love at first sight. We became acquaintances, and then later friends, and then -at just the right time- God opened my eyes and BAM! There she was. God’s Best, and I knew it.
“…at just the right time– God opened my eyes and BAM! There she was – God’s best.”
It may or may not go exactly like that for you, but that’s not the point. The point is I wasn’t out “hunting” for her. I didn’t have to seek her out, I wasn’t trying to get things done in my own strength or effort. God brought her to me.
I knew if I stayed faithful to the Church, continued to serve God, and made it a priority to grow in the Lord, that at just the right time, she would appear.
I fully trusted that God had a plan for me and my marriage.
So I didn’t worry about it.
You shouldn’t either. Don’t worry about it, just trust God. He’s got this. Just keep doing what you’re supposed to be doing.
To get God’s best, you have to BE God’s best
That’s right, the truth of the matter is you have to BECOME God’s best in order to get God’s best.
When you take the time to work on yourself, to become like the godly men and women described in the Bible, when you step up and step out, you will become God’s best.
Remember there is a woman out there believing God for her “Best Husband. ”
And there is a man out there believing God for his “Best Wife. ”
Make that you.
What would that person’s life look like?
How does he handle money?
How does he handle stressful situations?
When tough times come, does he step and lead, or step down and run?
Is he short tempered, or can he stay cool, calm, and collected no matter what hits him?
Does he lead the way spiritually and cause his girlfriend/fiance/spouse to grow and get closer to God?
Or does he let the girl do that, and he’s just along for the ride?
Can he confidently make tough decisions or does he second-guess everything he does?
You know the answers to these questions. Make sure those answers all point to the characteristics of God’s “Best.”
What if “God’s Best” is ugly to me?
They won’t be.
I’ve had people ask this question. Deep down there is this fear that what if I ask God who my spouse is, and I’m not attracted to that person?
Here’s the deal: God knows the desires of your heart. In fact, He knows them better than you do.
That’s why I want to discourage you from trying to “paint a picture” of what he or she has to look like in your head.
You may like blondes or redheads, tall girls, short girls, skinny or thick, hipsters or sporty girls, high heels and big sunglasses type of girls, and that’s all good, but I’ll tell you this:
You’ll like the one God picks out for you more than you ever dreamed.
My wife wasn’t what I “pictured” as far as looks go, but you know what?
I don’t care!
She is WAY BETTER than anything I could have ever dreamed up! God knew what the perfect spouse for me looked like, acted like and dressed like. And He does for you too!
How to Not Miss God’s Best:
We often miss God’s best because we come up with a concept on our own, of what they will be like, and then we “hold out” until we find this perfect picture of spouse that we made up in our heads.
You can make a “faith list” of all the features and characteristics you want in a spouse, that’s fine, but when it comes to the little details, you need to be open.
Here is what I mean:
When it comes to your spouse there has to be some “non-negotiables” these are the MUST have characteristics:
- Born again believer in Christ
- Spirit-filled and Spirit-led
- Mature Christian and is faithful to the Lord
- You are “equally yolked” which means you are both on the same spiritual level
If they have those things, then it’s golden. The rest is just details.
I’ve seen to many men and women make their list look like this:
- She will be SMOKIN hot!
- He will be tan and tall
- She will have blonde hair, be about 5′ 2″
- He will have a great singing voice and lead worship at Church
- She will have the perfect body, like (and name some actress)
- He will be a business man and have a business degree from Harvard
- She likes to wear high heels everywhere we go
- He will make lots of money so I can stay home and be a housewife all day
And then you hold on this stupid list and if he or she doesn’t “check the box” you disregard and them and say, “God knows I wanted a woman who is into sports, I guess this girl here is not the one for me.”
You will miss God’s best if you do this. This is YOU picking your spouse instead of letting God show you the one He picked for you.
Let me set you straight, God KNOWS what you want and NEED better than you do.
You think you know, but God really knows.
If God’s best for you is a tall brunette, who can’t sing, wants to be a stay at home mom and doesn’t like sports, but loves God with all her heart and serves Him passionately – then who cares?!
If God’s best is a kind of short pale guy who plays in a band, doesn’t wear cowboy boots, hates football, but loves God with all his heart and serves Him passionately – then who cares?!
Because if you listen to God, you will be happier than you could ever imagine, the girl that meets the list you made up, she may be out there, but even if you find her, you will never live a life of God’s best. Those things listed above don’t make a difference in your happiness.
And by the way, he/she will be smokin’ hot. You will be attracted to them, that’s how it works. When God reveals His best to you, they will be attractive on all levels.
Hold on to the non-negotiables, but be open to the details. Trust God.
How to Know For Sure:
Don’t compare someone else’s life to yours, just because your sister got married at age 24 and already has kids doesn’t mean you should have. It doesn’t mean they are “further along” than you in life.
Even if you don’t get married until you’re 37 but you marry God’s absolute best, wouldn’t they be worth the wait?
That’s why you can’t compare your race to someone elses. Stay in your lane and run the race God has laid out before you.
You keep running towards God and at just the right stage, God’s Best will appear and start running beside you as well.
If you keep your heart open to hear from God, and don’t rely on your own understanding but instead trust in what He tells you, then you will know FOR SURE, that he or she is the one.
Your spouse is out there, and coming very soon.
Stay in faith, don’t worry about it. Get prepared now, become God’s best now, and stay faithful to serving God.
I’ll leave you with this instruction found in Hebrews 10:35-36
“So do not throw away this confident trust in the Lord. Remember the great reward it brings you! Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God’s will. Then you will receive all that he has promised.”
Confidently trust in the Lord, it will bring a great reward, stand strong in patient endurance, continue to do God’s will and THEN you will receive ALL that He has promised.
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