No More Heartbreaks
I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess that at one point or another, you’ve had your heart broken.
You liked a girl, you liked a boy, you may have even been on a few dates, and you thought for sure (or at least you hoped) he or she was “the one.”
And then BAM – they’re gone, and you’re all alone…
I’ve been there my friends. Boy have I been there.
I’ve gotten my butt kicked far too many times.
In truth, we allow it to happen to ourselves.
But that’s okay, I learned A LOT from it.
In fact, one of the most significant growing times in my life came after I had let the guard down to my heart, and allowed it to get crushed.
God taught me new things, I grew, got stronger, and learned what NOT TO DO in the future. And that’s what I’m going to teach you here today.
How to Never Have Your Heart Broken Again
Want to know the secret to never having your heart broken again?
DON’T GIVE IT AWAY!
Your heart belongs to the Lord and that’s it.
When you’re dating someone, you don’t give them your heart. No, that’s reserved for marriage. Until then, you guard it.
Proverbs 4:23 in The Living Bible says “Above all else, guard your affections. For they influence everything else in your life.”
in the NLT translation “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.”
Guard your heart, guard your affections, above ALL ELSE! Why? Because your heart determines and influences everything else in your life. It determines the course of your life, you can get OFF COURSE when you leave your heart wide open!
When you give your heart to a boy, when you give your heart to a girl, you’ve created a very unhealthy emotional bond.
A bond that wasn’t meant to be created between you and a girlfriend. That bond is sacred, it’s meant for marriage.
There are the types of bonds we can create with the opposite sex:
- Emotional bonds
- Spiritual bonds
- Physical bonds
If you create these bonds with the opposite sex then you have given them an unhealthy control of your heart. It allows them to control your happiness. You are setting yourself (and the other person) up to get hurt. Let me explain each bond:
Emotional: You have long late night talks, alone or even on the phone. You get really close, tell really personal stories, deep information, stuff from your childhood that should be reserved for close buddies or mentors. You talk frequently, she calls you when she gets off of work, you call before you go to bed, you text all the time. She starts coming to you with all her emotional issues, she cries on your shoulder, you become her “problem fixer” you sometimes slip into a Father-figure type role. This is VERY dangerous and unhealthy. Girls, don’t put these boys in that position, it’s unhealthy for you. Go to God, He is your source, He is who you run to, not a boyfriend.
Spiritual: You connect on a deeper, spiritual level. You have deep conversations about God and the Word, you even pray together. You do one on one Bible studies or sit around and play praise worship together. You may think this honors God, but it doesn’t. You are creating a spiritual bond with a person who is not your spouse. Don’t do it.
Physical: Physical bonds are created when you have sex. Whether you believe it or not, when you have sexual intercourse, your soul bonds with that other person’s soul. The Bible says that “The two become one.” That is why it hurts so bad when you and someone you’ve slept with break up. You were never meant to create that bond with anyone besides your spouse. So when you sleep with someone, then you break up, it literally feels like you’re ripping yourself apart. Don’t do this to yourself, it is NOT worth it. Save it for “God’s Best” and this physical bond becomes one of the most amazing things on earth.
All the things I’ve just described were meant to be created and done with your spouse ONLY.
How many times have you created these bonds with not only girlfriends, but even girls (or boys) that were “just friends?”
It’s easy to create those emotional and spiritual bonds with girls. You’ll find a girl that’s easy to talk to, maybe you connect on certain levels and have great conversation. Next thing you know you’re spilling your life story to someone you just met. That’s when emotions and feelings get involved. Pain will soon be behind it if you keep going down that path. Keep reading and I’ll show you how to keep things healthy.
How to Cut Old Ties
If you have made ANY of these ties, or bonds, (come on, we ALL have!) then we need to cut them now, if we want to move on and be prepared for our future spouses.
We can’t be carrying this old baggage when we move into the Promise Land!
Pray this out loud, “Father God, I come to you today in full repentance. I have created unhealthy, emotional, spiritual, and physical ties with women that I shouldn’t have. I ask you and thank you for forgiving me today. I ask you now Father that you cut ALL unhealthy ties and bonds with past relationships that I may have created one with. I thank you that I will not carry this as baggage, in fact I thank you that it is erased, like it never happened. I commit right now Father to guarding my heart until I am married. Help me with this, show me how to do this Father. Keep a guard over my words, my affections and my actions. I thank you that my spouse is coming and our marriage is going to be more amazing than I could have ever dreamed! Thank you Father in Jesus’ Name Amen”
I prayed this prayer about 8 years ago when I got my hands on the book, “Choosing God’s Best“ that taught me about the concept of the three bonds. It made it so clear to me what I had done wrong and what I needed to do in the future.
After I prayed this prayer it was literally a miracle. Past pains from break ups were gone and they never came back! I learned how to guard my heart and guard the girl’s heart too. I developed healthy relationships and it set me up for success.
You know that fairy tale story in your head about meeting the girl of your dreams, dating her, romancing her, marrying her, and starting a family? Well I lived that out in real life BECAUSE I read that book and followed the instructions. Because I guarded my heart, and hers, my romance with “God’s Best” flourished.
No More Broken Hearts Club
Going forward, you will now protect your heart.
This doesn’t mean you become some cold, heartless, unemotional, jaded person.
It just means you CHOOSE what information you let out of your mouth, and to whom, and what info you keep to yourself.
After I had made all the mistakes, I knew going into my next relationship, I had to do something different, otherwise I’d get the same results I had always gotten…a broken heart.
So I set some “guard rails” up in my heart. These worked for me. I highly suggest you do them too because I had great results.
1. I committed that I wouldn’t say “I love you” until we were engaged and had a wedding date set. – Sidenote: If you choose to say “I love you” to a girlfriend, it’s over. Your heart is fully exposed. If your heart gets broken at this point, you have no one to blame but yourself. This may sound extreme, but trust me, it’s true.
2. I didn’t kiss with tongue until we were engaged. Even after that, it wasn’t very often. Why? Because I knew that when I make out and my tongue gets involved, I want more. And that can get dangerous.
3. When we were alone in a room we always left the door cracked open. Both of us lived with roommates while dating and if I came over to watch a movie, we kept the door cracked. This keeps everyone accountable, and made me aware of my actions. It also leaves no room for anyone’s thoughts to wander.
4. I limited our hang out time. We served together twice a week at Church and would often hang out in the Church parking lot after, and then on Fridays OR Saturdays (not both) we would have a date night. On the opposite night of our date night, I would either hang with my boys, or we would do a group hangout together. Doing this was one of the HEALTHIEST and best things we ever could have done. It kept us from forming those bonds that happen when you hang out with someone too much. Plus it made the times we were together even more special. I know of couples that hung out so much while dating, that marriage wasn’t as special to them as they thought it would be. It almost cheapened the experience of marriage because they spent SO much time together, almost nothing changed once they really did get married.
Were these things hard? Well at first they were. But then they got easy.
Stay Strong, It’s Worth It
Here’s the deal, when I tell people about these guard rails, most people say, “Not kiss with tongue? Oh man, I don’t think I could do that!” Or they think I’m crazy that we only hung out 3 nights a week, or that we waited so long to say I love you.
Most people won’t do these things.
And most people get their hearts broken.
Just like anything in life, it takes courage and discipline. But I guarantee you it’s worth it. Don’t pay any attention to what anyone else says. Go with your convictions, pray and ask God for guidance and direction on HOW to date.
My wife and I had the relationship that other people dream about. Even to this day, I don’t know of a marriage better than ours, and it’s all because we started with these guard rails. They created a firm foundation for our future.
I want you to remember one more thing as you go forward.
Make it your responsibility to guard HER heart as well. And girls, you do the same. Don’t lead the guys on, this makes it more difficult on men.
When you build these guard rails in your relationships with the opposite sex you keep the other person from getting hurt as well.
- Put up your protective “guard rails.” They don’t have to be the same as mine, you know yourself. Ask God and He’ll show you what to do.
- Pray that prayer above and break all past ties and bonds with previous relationships. Even unhealthy friendships.
- Commit to protecting your future spouses’ heart as well
- Stay focused on the future, not the past and TRUST God.
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